i feel like the usage of femme by nonlesbians really comes down to not understanding the complexity of the term
like, are you actively rejecting the social standards of femininity being a way to perform sexually to men? are you using your feminine presentation to further your identity as a lesbian? are you centering your life around women and adamantly rejecting men, thereby ruining every social standard that has ever said ‘as a woman, you have to be pretty for men’?
or are you just using it to say you like lipstick
~on the other hand lesbians don’t have a monopoly on attraction, presentation, and sexual identity that revolves around nonmen~
~on the other hand, the bisexual femmes in my life use the word femme to signify and solidify their performance of identity and attraction to women absent the social necessity to perform for the benefit of men~
~on the other hand, maybe reducing nonlesbian wlw to your assumption that their sexuality and presentation is for the benefit of men demonstrates a pretty shocking lack of empathy and nuance~
~maybe instead of assuming bi women using femme use it because they “like lipstick,” you could actually ask them what it means to them~
Also this analysis completely detracts autonomy of bi women and ignores the very real intersections of race in relationship to queerness and womanhood.
My black bi femme ass has complex relationships to womanhood because not only is womanhood intrinsically prescribed as straight but prescribed as white being queer and black means I never have access to perform womanhood for men in the same way cishet white women do. My relationship to queerness and femme identity isn’t about “wearing lipstick” it’s about IDing as a queer woman, it’s about claiming aspects of femininity denied from me both as a queer woman and as a black woman and carving out my own identity independent of men.
Here’s a wild notion: engaging with men does not mean you are inherently performing for them. Instead of making assumptions about what femme and butch mean to bi women, engage with them. You’re constructing a strawman that doesn’t actually reflect the relationship of butch and femme to bi women aligned folks. I don’t perform my femininity for men, my femininity is something I have carved out both in sexual and racial constraints which I reject. There is a real thing for black women to be denied femininity much less queer black women. That’s not unique to just lesbian femmes. So femme to me is about claiming my womanhood in relationship to my queerness and my blackness so don’t dare tell me it’s just because I like lipstick. Maybe talk to actual bi women.
(via teenagerposts)
