Hey I was wondering if you could do a Damien Wayne x reader social media you don’t have to but I still heavier your social media post and I thought they were really good
Answer:
Sure. I don’t mind making it. Is there a certain theme you want the social media to be? Want me to use my usual names and profile pics or do you have your own you would like me to use? Which social media? I do Instagram and Snapchat.
I was about to say how dumb this idea was in retrospect because of COVID. Then I realized this was pre-pandemic and am mentally incapable of processing the fact that two years ago lockdown was just. Not a thing.
Do you know how hard it is to live with a cat that has the intelligence level of literally like a 3 year old but the pure chaos of a high ranking demon?
He’s learned to open the lazy Susan and won’t stop clawing open the flour and rolling in it like a little chinchilla
Criminal charges
Hey hey hey HEY
He’s been CRAWLING INTO THE BOTTOM CABINETS to TEAR OPEN THE INSTANT POTATOES and EAT BAGS AND BAGS OF THEM I’m livid but also impressed.
Do you have anything with that kind of texture that he can safely play with? This sounds like an understimulation issue.
He’s not playing with it
He’s eating it.
I can tell because the bags are nearly empty except for a few small clumps.
I knew he loves mashed potatoes. I just didn’t know the extent he’d go to to get them.
We had him tested and in the course of that vet visit he stole
6 tips
3 of the ear light cover things
Our other cats collar
the ear bud of the vets stethoscope 
several hearts
a plastic glove
the vet techs hair tie
Also yeah he’s fine he just likes to steal
Not guilty by reason of deficiency of other people’s stuff
This is his ledge
His ledge is taller then my husband who is 6’2”
I am 5’5”
I have to get the step ladder out once a week and see what Orange Sherbert has taken to his ledge for safe keeping. It’s usually the remote.
Narratively speaking, ending this saga with the reveal that his name is Orange Sherbert was a masterstroke.
i hate you loot boxes i hate you microtransactions i hate you targeted advertising i hate you cryptocurrency mining i hate you ads disguised as normal posts i hate you required cookies i hate you freemium apps i hate you internet age capitalism
“Us humans must be pretty special for our tenacity right?” “No.” “Our battle prowess?” “No.” “Our…creativity?” “Not particularly.” “Is there anything special about us?” “You guys are definitely the best cooks.”
finding another gay person is hard enough. then she can’t be a tiktok gay. then your personalities have to be compatible. then you have to be sexually attracted to one another. then you have to actually work up the nerve to ask her out. then you have to maintain a relationship. then you have to tell her about the bodies in your basement freezer. i’m so tired man. it never ends
